


Cold Spot

by m_mozzarellacheese



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Death, Depressing, Flashbacks, Gon dies, Heavy Angst, Injury, Killugon - Freeform, Non-Canonical Character Death, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:20:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28124496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_mozzarellacheese/pseuds/m_mozzarellacheese
Summary: Killua has flashbacks of the day Gon died.That's it.I try to write something sad but this is probably just cringey if anything :)
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Cold Spot

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction here so sorry if it has spelling mistakes or is overall just really bad. I tried to make this as sad as possible, but it is 12am on a school night sooo :) 
> 
> Well I hope you cry hehehe

Killua rolled over on his left side, pulling the blankets up over his nose to cover his face. Outside heavy rain could be heard pounding against the window. It reminded him of that day. He tossed again in bed groaning. He scratched at his arm and scrunched his eyes to try and forget about the memories that came rushing back into his mind. 

Rain.

The wind.

The heavy breathing.

The fear.

The blood.

All followed by....he couldn't say it let alone think of it. Why? It happened so suddenly and without warning.

"Gon-" Killua murmured under his breath. Why are you calling out to him? He no longer sleeps beside you. 

_"Gon, you idiot!" Killua bent down beside his wounded friend and placed his hand over his gushing cut to stop the bleeding. "Why? Why would you interfere!" Gon had a large gash across his stomach and his arm right had been badly broken. Bruises covered his face and his eyes were beginning to swell shut._

_"I'm sorry, Killua, but when I saw you in trouble I couldn't help myself." Gon looked up at his friend's expression, flickering back from anger to worry. Killua and Illumi had gotten into a fight. Gon wasn't supposed to see them, he wasn't supposed to interfere. But he did. When he saw Killua at his weakest. When he saw Killua tremble. He couldn't stay hidden._

_Illumi's whole objective was to kill Gon; Killua's was to protect him. Gon knew known of this._

_"Killua, know that I did this because-" Illumi called out to his brother through the rain._

_"No! Save it!" Killua shouted back, "Don't you see? I **HATE** YOU" Killua's voice broke. "You aren't doing this for me. You're doing this for yourself. That's all you care about!" _

_Illumi was taken back by his brother's words. They left him speechless. Not because he didn't know what to say back but because Killua was right. He'd been taught friends were a waste, he never had any of his own. Once he had a friend, who he was forced to kill. Who he was forced to drain the life from with his own hands._

_"You're doing this for your own good, Illumi" His mother had said, "Assassins don't need friends. They're distractions."_

_But Killua was never forced to kill his friend. Killua had it easier. He wasn't tested on. He wasn't thrown around. He was the family's prized treasure. He was next in line for the Zoldyck fortune even though Illumi was the oldest. Why did he have this privilege? And the worst part was, he didn't see it. Illumi told Killua that killing Gon would benefit him, but in the back of his mind, the thought of killing Gon was to get revenge._

_This revenge though didn't feel good. Is this what he wanted. For Killua to feel the same pain? He thought so, but seeing Killua in the pain of seeing his best friend so badly wounded brought back his own pain he'd never thought he'd relive. Now for the first time, he felt some sort of remorse._

_Some sort of guilt._

_He found it best to leave._

_"Killua, don't worry I'll be fine." Gon smiled up at his best friend._

_"No you won't, we have nowhere to go to treat your wounds." Killua felt his chest sink deeper and his heart beat faster with each breath. Nowhere. Nowhere. Nobody to call. Leorio wasn't here. Kurapika wasn't here. Neither was Alluka. They were too far away to reach and it was far too late to call. The rain began falling harder and the wind picked up speed._

_"Killua...even if....I die" Gon's breathing became stagnant._

_"Gon no! You won't- just hold on a bit longer" Killua began wrapping his arms around his friend's waist to try and pull him up, but his own injuries made it difficult to do._

_"Killua if I die...don't blame yourself" Gon got the words out. Killua placed his friend up against a large rock so his body sat upright. He grabbed onto Gon's shoulders and angled him so he was looking straight into his eyes._ _Gon's eyes were fluttering, trying to stay open, but the swelling wasn't helping._

_"Gon-" Killua tried to find his words. He knew that even if Gon did die, and even if Gon told him not to think it, he would still put the blame on himself. If only I never fought Illumi. If only I told Gon about Illumi. If only he'd warned him. If only...if only...if only...if only he'd never met him._

_No. That wasn't right._

_"Killua, remember when you visited Aunt Mito with me and she made you eat those green beans" Gon laughed to himself. He must have been becoming loopy because of blood loss. "You hated green beans so much...you almost threw up when you ate them."_

_Killua smiled back in response. "Yeah, they were pretty disgusting." He let out a soft laugh as he recalled the memory. "Gon, we need to get you to him-"_

_"Killua, remember when we were at Heavens Arena and you bought a whole stock full of chocolate robots. Haha," Gon closed his eyes, letting the swelling take over._

_"Gon, you need medical help, please" Killua wrapped his arm around his friend and began walking him slowly back to where they were staying to get him patched up._

_"Killua," Gon mumbled low enough for Killua's ear to pick up._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Remember when we would stargaze for hours on end and talk about the future." Gon raised a shaky hand towards the sky, though all you could see was rain...no stars. It reminds Killua of his life before meeting Gon. A dark sky with no stars to light it up._

_"Gon, remember when you would help me out here!" Killua stated in an annoyed tone._

_"I'm...I'm a little tired," Gon said drearily as he began to slump down against Killua's body and onto the ground._

_"Gon! We have to go-" Killua was cut short by his friend once again._

_"Remember when we first met..." Gon laid flat against the ground letting the rain hit his face._

_"During the Hunter Exam" how could he forget? "Gon, why are you telling me all of this?"_

_"They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. I think that's what's happening right now." Gon replied. The smile on his face still hadn't left._

_"Gon please-" Killua was getting worried. Why was Gon denying medical help. Why had he become so much weaker?_

_"Killua I'm so happy. I'm always happy when I'm with you" Killua was caught off guard. "You're my best friend. You'll understand what I did was stupid and I'm sorry. You'll understand that I've already lost about 1/3 of my blood. I don't think there's enough time to save me"_

_"Yes, there is! If you would just-" Killua was becoming furiously annoyed._

_"No" Gon cut him off._

_"Gon but-" Killua took a deep breath to stop the tears from falling "Re-remember when you said we would travel the world together? We still haven't seen the whole world. Please."_

_"Killua...I think" Gon coughed up blood onto his chest and his breathing became more labored._

_"Remember when you said we'd always be friends!" A lump began to form in his throat._

_"Killua...we....will always be..." Gon let out another cough "We will always be....friends...even if I die....always"_

_"But if you die you won't be here!" Killua protested._

_"Friendship doesn't end in....d-death....friendship...is.....for...ever" Gon smiled weakly. "Killua...."_

_"Gon please don't go, please" Killua held his friend by the shoulders. Gon's blood began pooling by his knees, straining his pants._

_"I wish...I could see..y-...ou...one last.....t-time" Gon reached his hand out to grab onto Killua's. Killua's hands were cold, Gon's were always warm. But not now. The light was dwindling; the fire was burning out. "Killua remember-"_

_"Please save your energy. Stop talking, please. You can't-" Killua tried to stop Gon, but he still forced the words out._

_"No matter....where we go...we'll always be....friends" Killua's breathing was now shakey as he couldn't process what was happening. His friend was dying. In his arms. Dying in his arms. "I'll always....b-be...in...your.....heart" Gon smiled one last time as Killua gave his hand a firm squeeze and shut his eyes to stop the tears. "Killua..."_

_"I LOVE YOU!" Killua shouted. He had never told Gon he loved him. He never had the courage. A strong assassin tortured to birth who could withstand poison yet he couldn't even tell his friend that he loved him. "GON I LOVE YOU!" Killua opened his eyes to look at him. His smile was gone. Why wasn't Gon smiling? Did he say something wrong?_

_"Gon-" his chest wasn't moving._

_"Gon!" He shook his friend, but he didn't react. He was limp._

_"GON!" His hand was cold._

_"GOOON!" He was_

_"GON ANSWER PLEASE!" He couldn't be_

_"GON DID YOU HEAR ME? I LOVE YOU GON, I ALWAYS HAVE!! PLEASE! GON I LOVE YOU" Killua broke. He cried and he sobbed. His face crumpled along with his heart. His cries were so loud they could be heard above the rain as it fell around their bodies._

_"Gon..." He was dead._

Had Gon heard Killua's words? That's what he wanted to know most in life. Had he heard his words, but didn't have time to respond? Or had he died before he heard Killua say 'I love you'? 

Killua felt a new pain that day. The pain of losing a loved one. The pain of regret. Of never saying those three simple words. He would never wish this pain upon another person, but he knew that most everybody would have to experience it someday. 

Breaking the news was the worst part. Leorio felt guilt. The guilt of letting another one of his friends die. He was again of no help. Killua gave him Gon's words "don't blame yourself". The pain of losing a loved one was nothing new to Kurapika. When the news was broken to him he simply showed no reaction, but he felt it in his heart. Aunt Mito didn't believe him, until one day it settled in and she cried for weeks. Ging was nowhere to be heard from and contacting him was impossible. Alluka gave as much comfort to her brother as she could. And though Killua didn't show it, his heart hurt the most. 

At breakfast, he no longer sang songs. On his birthday he spends them alone with Alluka. Every day he rewatches clips Gon had recorded for them when they were on vacation. And every night he leaves a spot for Gon to sleep. In the past, the spot was once filled with warmth that would keep him close. It was filled with a boy who brought nothing but light into his life. Who showed him love, friendship, family, trust, who taught him right from wrong and showed him the beauty in life. Why was he gone? Why did he have to go? Why was it always the good people?

"Gon, we still had so much to do together" Killua whispered under his breath as he stared out of his window watching the raindrops dripping down the pane. Would he ever heal? One day.

But for now, Killua was left with an empty heart.

A black sky with no stars.

A candle with no light.

And a bed with a cold spot.


End file.
